Lady Margaret’s Answers, Tidbits, and General Wizdom - Dealing with drama

Question: 

So, I’m laying in my tent in actors camp, awake.  I hear a few fellow guild members dissing me.  How do I respond?

Answer:

You get peeved!  Obviously!  If you truly didn’t care what they were saying you wouldn’t have written in to ask me how best to handle the situation.  But I urge you to take a few deep breaths and to not react from an emotional base.

Sometimes, hearing criticism is the hardest part of being a performer and being a human being.  The reality is that regardless of our ego and our own opinions of ourselves and our performance, there can always be a higher standard to hold ourselves.  It is your job to determine if these comments are constructive criticism or are they based on a personality conflict?When you hear negative comments, the first step is to address the critic directly.  Perhaps there was a misunderstanding? Or, are you hearing someone’s thoughts by third-party messenger?  Go to the source.  One of my pet-peeves is when I hear “People have said…” or “I heard that…”  As I’ve grown older and wiser, I tend to not put a lot of value on commentary that is not spoken directly to me.  I truly feel that if someone has something of import that they wish to pass along, something that will make my performance or my life better, or my fair experience more fun; they will speak to me in person, not behind my back.  It takes courage to speak your heart to someone, and true partners, friends, and co-workers will speak to you openly and honestly.If there is a personality conflict in action, it may mean that you agree to be civil to one another, sometimes you have to put your personal feelings on hold…you don’t have to like someone, but you are expected to be polite.  If you enter into a confrontation or communication with someone and you are covering a sensitive or difficult issue, try following these specific guidelines:

1.      Describe the situation or behavior (limit yourself to observable data not judgment)

2.      Express your thoughts or feelings from the “I” position.  ·         “I felt hurt…I felt angry…”

3.      Specify a change (never bring up a problem if you don’t have a solution!)·         “This is what would work for me (describe details)…is this acceptable to you?”

4.      Describe the consequences …always positive first·         “If you can do this/that/or the other, I will feel/do/provide…”

Drama is emotion feeding upon itself.  If you do your best and are still having trouble, speak with your Guild Master, Manager, Director or whomever is your “boss.”  Usually having an intermediary will help in those harshest circumstances. 

As we age and mature, we can choose to make unpleasant circumstances more pleasant or we can unfortunately choose to create more drama…Truly, we all have enough drama in the “real world” don’t we?

(If you have questions for Lady Margaret, or responses to this column please post a comment here.)