Compiled by Mark Reed of Rusty Sword Productions, but true at Renaissance Faires everywhere:

• there are trees in the park —-one tree here and one tree there
• its a good spot—– no one else would take it
• there is always a breeze—- bring rope and stakes
• there may be wildlife—– bears count as wildlife
• we are short on volinteers—- your hauling your own trash
• your right next to the stage—– what did you say!!!!
• your right next to the guild—— who needs sleep anyway
• the priveys are close—- so are the flies
• your last booth—- you really pissed them off last year
• your first booth—– you REALLY pissed them off last year
• your right next to the beer garden—– you get to babysit
• you get enough room for all your pavilons—– if you stack them
• we give discounts for demos— they blew the entertaiment budget again
• its level—– sorry about the goffer holes
• its got alittle slope—- bring mountain gear
• we advertised—- one add in the penny saver
• easy drive in—— your on the main road
• we hired security—– some dude talking to the cute chick
• its in a nice park—- for the gang members
• it almost never rains—- bring a boat or sell tarps
• we juried—– you only have 12 people selling your stuff this year
• quit time is 10pm—– bring ear plugs
• actors camp is close—– close to the ants
• its a short walk—- up a 45% grade
• there will be a feast— hope you like spaggettie
• we got 5000 people last year— total for the park all year
• it can get cold at night—– bring the snow gear
• the locals know we are here—– all 50 of them
• hotels are within walking distance—- the fair is close to a highway
• we are trying something new—– everything else failed last year
• the rain will stop—— were do you buy goffer wood?
• there is shade—– one tree in the middle of fair
• theres a food court—- 20 different kinds of popcorn
• theres lots of room—- at least 6 extra inches on one side
• we are taking new vendors—– all the others fled last year
• theres a new vendor corr.—— reggies back
• theres a new ED corr—– what time do i go on stage?
• we hired a new fair director—- your booths over there now
• parking is close—– you just have hike a mile around the fence
• we wont have anyone but you next year—- please dont bail please
• limited number of vendors—– 200 is a limit too
• limited number of guilds—– small park
• i have a perfect spot for you—– behind the privies
• camping on site—- parks 20 miles from any town
• we relaxed the fair—- blue tarps and pokimon are ok
• you wont be back next year—- only if your doing time in folsom
• we wont alow him back—- only if HE IS doing time in folsom
• we are looking for sponcers—– last year bombed
• apps. are due on the 15th—- no wait the 20th,no wait pay at gate
• its a new fair——- all of the above